Hi Prog-Hounds and welcome to the next instalment of the F-plan. Not your diet of 'High-Fibre ignorance', but FACTS. That's what you demand, and that's what we supply. This Christmas issue starts off dealing more with printed than spoken word.

Nice to see Silhobbit getting mentions in the Pendragon 'Yob Mag'. They call us 'pithy'. Now we do not mind being likened to oranges so long as they aren’t Jaffas. Anyhow here is this issues first segment to suck on Nick!

Another reflection on the UK rock press was when 'Select', reviewing the Jadis CD 'Nothing Meets the Eye' likened them to those established Prog supergods Galahad. Laugh, I nearly split my spandex.

Talking of Jadis, their latest leaflet refers to themselves as 'Melodic Rock'. Me thinks that they feel ashamed of tagging themselves as Prog. A word of advice boys, Prog isn't a four letter word and perhaps you should take a leaf out of Gandalfs book, 'Long and Loud, Prog and Proud'. Please don't insult us with your 'Melodic-Rock' bullshit, because after all it's PROG that feeds the kids who put you where you are today.

Has anyone out there seen the Clive Nolan computer game yet?? Called "Shadowlands" it features the cloaked one and the rest of the band, all wearing Clives Cloaks, wandering around the Thin Ice studios looking for Nick "the Hat" Barretts lost hat. The game is currently out on the Amiga for £25.99 written by Teque. The Third Man is not sure if the ‘in-game’ music was written by our Clive, but it probably was. We'll give it a full Silhobbit review when we get sent a copy, hint.

It is said that The Third Man knows all, but there is one fact that you do not have to a genius to solve. This concerns the review of the Camel CD "Dust and Dreams" by a certain fanzine. No names but you guess who. It seems the poor reviewer was confused as to the concept behind the album.

Sad but true. Framework (great band from Stoke) decided to beef up their applause when mixing the live album "AS lice Of Life". My spies tell me that the few people at that gig weren't loud enough. So what they did was use the audience from "Carly Simon - Live!" (non prog). Silhobbit say, Why the Prog can't they use the cheering from say, "'The Thieving Magpie" or "Seconds Out" or even the live bits from IQ's 'Ja'i Pollet d’Arnu"??? Hopefully the 'Prog-Squad' can look into this very serious Progressive rock crime, and take actions by forcing the band to use cheers from a Progressive crowd.

Talking of the Prog-Squad, a few of them turned up to a recent Citizen Cain gig, to check that any new material written by the band was over 80% prog (a new legal requirement). However Silhobbits new YTS lad, Rambo Routledge was on the door and prevented them from entering. They needn't've bothered as our Scottish friends included all of the new EEC directive of what constituted Prog. They easily would've passed the minimal keyboard solo test (now set at 12mins per hour played), and also the new legislation forcing a song which lasts over 14 mins per set played. We have told our newboy Rambo that he must always help the Prog-Squad as they are only trying to further the cause and crack down on frauds.

Those inscrutable Galahad boys have now completed the Japanese recording deal (worth £87,000). Anticipation is high that a long world-wide tour will follow. How about taking some of your fans with you?

Jadis have announced another alteration to their line up. Bass player John Jowlett has been replaced by Jim Jowlett. Gary Ghandler said "This should avoid any confusion between us and IQ". Silhobbit can exclusively reveal that John/Jim is making vast amounts of dosh from both bands, and the name change is a tax dodge. Silhobbit will be passing on details to the Inland Reveue.

lQs "Mad" Mike Holmes was not too impressed with his recent visit to Rotherham recently. He was shite on by racing pigeons, bitten by a whippet, and assaulted with a black-pudding. Well you know what they say "Life’s grim up North". Well Mike, if you thought that Rotherham was up North then it shows us just how little you know. Stick to guitars next time, hau.

More bad news for fans of Ultraworld. The master copy of their long awaited album has been burnt after a fire at Mushroom Studios, Kent. Sadly, the band finances cannot stretch to a re-recording. Pete Salmon (ex-Jadis) told Silhobbit "Its a setback to all the kids who've been waiting to hear our material. Hopefully some songs may become available, sometime.

Look out its the 'Sat Flags', a new all girl Prog band. We are told that the line up will be Glenis Ghandler (guitar/vocals), Maurine Orford (keyboards), Joan Jowlett (bass), and Julie Christie (drums). Word is that they have been practising and hope to have some music recorded by 1996. Just sounds like the same old story, with different underwear. We hope!!

Unlike the rest of the tabloid press, Silhobbit refused to use our valuable printing space to cover the recent scandal surrounding the Minister of Prog. We do feel that Mr David Mellortron has let the whole Progressive world down, but feel that his private life should remain private and what he does with young actresses is his business. However, should any young actresses or singers out there be gaggin for a ~ then please write to me and I will put you in contact with Mr David Mellortron, Tracey.

Finally. our own Cess Van Der Valke was shocked when shown an article appearing in Blindshite. Written by Galahad crooner, Stuart Nicholson this literary masterpiece started with Cess's catchphrase "Prog Pickers'. Being a genital kind of guy, Cess is giving Stuart the benefit of the doubt saying 'Plagiarism ist the greatest forum of flattery." Well Cess you are in good company, after all Galahahad aren't afraid to let their influences show through. A message to everyone, my own phrase "Prog Hounds" is Copyright Progtected, with messrs W. Goate and Rambo Routledge doing the protecting. YOU HAVE BEEN WARMED.

THE THIRD MAN.