Hello and welcome to Silhobbitions guide to your fortunes, with me, Silhobbitions resident Star Gazer, Astrid Gotobed.
AQUARIUS	Watch out for someone that you think that you should trust. Don't trust them. They have their own agenda, and are working against you, rather than with you. Lucky Number : 5 Lucky Colour : Blue
PISCES	You'll hear some good news about a long lost friend soon. But beware of people wanting favours from you, as they'll have ulterior motives behind their requests. Most of all, this month don't look any gift horses in the mouth. Lucky Number : 17 Lucky Colour : Pale Green
ARIES	You are currently feeling indescision over someone on the periphery of your social crowd. Let them in because they have more to offer than you think they have. But watch out for free gifts now. There's no such thing as a free lunch. Lucky Number : 3 Lucky Colour : Red
TAURUS	At some point in the next month, you will have to make a decision over your future career path. Be bold. Take the path that is least tread. Lucky Number : 7.13 Lucky Colour : Opaque Yellow
GEMINI	Don't believe what is written in your stars this month. This is a difficult time for Gemini's due to the close proximity of Mars and Uranus. Remember to use plenty of lubricant, or I forsee a funny incident in the local Casualty. Lucky Number : 1,993,844 Lucky Colour : Dull Grey
CANCER	Now is the ideal time to get out of bed. Put some clothes on and go get a job, you lazy son of a bitch. How many times have I told you to turn that bloody music down. You call that music. It's a bloody racket, that's what it is. When I was your age, I was working 17 hours a day, pulling ponies out of peat bogs. Lucky Number : 0442 56231 (the Job Centre my boy) Lucky Colour : Beige
LEO	Don't pull those funny eyes crossed faces again because the wind will change and you'll stay like that. Just like that bloody lion, what ever him name was. Lucky Number : 8 Lucky Colour : Snot Green
VIRGO	I bet you are. But now is the time to get laid. Yes it is. She wants you so bad. Go on, give it to her, right up there mate. What's the matter with you? Lucky Number : 01 576 3381 (Dirty Doreen) Lucky Colour : Black Fishnets
LIBRA	Don't bother doing anything this month as you'll just bugger it up, you useless sod. Don't know why you even bother breathing, you worthless piece of suet. Lucky Number : not this month Lucky Colour : You're colourblind
SCORPIO	This month, you'll have limited success with the opposite sex. But you will have alloy wheels, leather upholstery, a decent Radio Cassette player, wood trim, Power steering, electric windows and optional air conditioning. Lucky Number : -19 Lucky Colour : Any, as long as it's black
SAGITTARIUS	Sometimes the wheels on the tractor go in a different direction to the one wanted by the farmer. This month, this sums up your life. Get used to it. Lucky Number : Pickles Lucky Colour : Lime, of course
CAPRICORN	This is a medical condition caused by wearing ill fitting shoes whilst driving Ford pose mobiles. Get a proper car. And some decent shoes. Lucky Number : 203 Lucky Colour : Violet
Well, there you have it PROG kids. More stars next issue.