The important big news is that Fish is apparently altering his house. The word is that he is changing his kitchen for an office and he wants to build a new kitchen on the side of his house. If anyone knows any good kitchen fitters then get them to contact 'The Company'.

Roll the Prog time machine forward a couple of years, and another incident adding to the chilling consequences of any band being in the virginity of Epilogue. This time the curse fell upon Grace who foolishly allowed Epilogue to support them. Mysteriously, on the afternoon of the gig, Prince Harry received a phone call summoning him, and the band, to support Mike and the Mechanics at Exeter. Upon arriving at Exeter they found that Mike and the Mechanics were not even playing. All this left Epilogue headlining in front of a packed house. Just to prove there is some justice in the world, thinking it a good idea the boys started their set off with a Grace cover. This proved to be a bad move, as the crowd thought they were taking the piss, and bottled them off.

Worse was to happen to rising Proggers Jump who invited Epilogue down to support them at a London gig. Three punters arrived, leaving Jump with the big problem of playing on, or cancelling and not having to pay the sound guy for the PA. Being true troopers of course they blew it out, giving Epilogue £20, and told the audience to fuck off. This included GF'T supremeo Malcolm Parker. Are you still selling their CD's Malcolm?

The Epilogue curse is starting to hit themselves. If they thought the Jump gig was a poor turnout their own hometown headline turned out to be a disaster. Want to guess how many turned up? 1, 5 or 50? Let us give you a clue. Her name was Brenda. Yes, a first for Prog. A 100% female audience at a gig. Ever the gentlemen that night, the boys stopped playing when she went to the toilet.

One last piece of Epilogue sordidia, which shows the type of groupies they attract. Keyboard player Chris Frost was congratulated on his technique by a female fan. Alas this transpired to be a comment on his calligraphy - writing you dummy.

So Gray Lady Down sent out a press release to tell us that they had changed keyboard player, but did not tell anybody in case rumors of their demise started. Boys sorry to tell you this, but nobody gives a fuck.

Anyhow in an attempt to dig some dirt on Gray Lady Down's new ivory tinkler, from Arnside in Cumbria, Mark Westworth. So I rang fellow Cumbrian William Goate, who reported to never having heard of Arnside, never mind Mark. I feel it is a shame GLD did not consider Tim Mileslong, from the best band in Cumbria, The Ents. Then again he is not too keen on working with Southerners, including those Southerners from Yorkshire and all points south.

 It was interesting to see all the haircuts of our Prog Heroes on show at IQ's Astoria show.

Pete Nicholl's seemed like he needed some conditioner.  

Gary Chandler's perm was growing out.  

Nick May, we all loved the new style, dearie.

We can also reveal the eccentricity of Marillion's other Steve, Mr. Hogarth. He has spent his reported £1,000,000 advance for his forthcoming solo project on a Mexican ranch where he intends to rear llamas. In an attempt to give the record company some product for their dosh expect a rush release towards the end of the year.

It is good to know that Fish is collaborating with Porcupine Tree genius Steve Wilson. Expect the best from the best as these two proggers write what is guaranteed to be a corkin’ album. Fish's daughter Tara recently won the 'Haddington Young Hairdresser Award' for her unique cutting skills.

I was talking to my cycling friend, Willebread Elsing, just the other week. "THE," he said, "Now that Sym Info has gone the way of the Hairless Heart Herald and Blindshite, down the old prog hokey-cokey. I can invest all my time on my new progect". He told me that he is working on setting up a new "Adult" satellite channel, called "Syn Info" broadcasting educational relational programs to Eastern Europe. He has already filmed one show featurin’ the members of Now. Tracey Hitchens and our own Cess are to star in another one of them. Cess tells me that he can't wait. Well, that’s a problem for Dr. Roof to sort out. Failing that, ask Matt Goodcock how he got his name!

I must go now, and get my beauty sleep..

THE THIRD MAN